Places to Die

Between now and was

Between now and is not

Lies our capacity to reason

 

The four chambered heart is mine

Two hearts in one chest

One of death, one of life

 

The heart of death is always looking for places to die

In work, things to buy, in an orgasm, in a sports game

The heart of death wants and needs

 

The heart of life is fed by love

That love is ice cold and demands everything

The heart of life puts others before self

 

But who gives a fuck about others

When I want a flat white coffee now

When I need to charge my phone and there’s no goddam socket!

 

Rage is mine

It makes me good at my job

I want to keep it

 

Every now and then it spills over

Acidic to those it touches

Causing burns that are slow to heal

 

Lust is mine

Corralled inside a marriage

The wild horse circles inside

 

Doubt is my sardonic, acerbic sidekick

I tell him I don’t believe in unbelief

Doubt laughs and says I’m a prick

 

Fear eats at my guts

Fearing the loss of those I love

Fearing the arrival of the stranger

 

A place to die isn’t just a quarry

a river, or a stream

a motorway bridge, or a train-line

 

A place to die is the

Non-being I chose for myself

I want to die

 

I really do

To cling to Nietzche’s earth

To scorn false piety

 

My friends don’t believe in God

The churches of abused children are closing

The world moves on into

 

The reality of good and evil

Where there’s no such thing as perspective

Just famine, war, sickness and poverty

 

But we made that you and I

We’re responsible

By willing to death

 

The courage to be in spite of

Me

being an hypocritical asshole

 

Love is hearing

helping someone to heal their self

reframing

 

Hope is seeing potential in someone else, everyone else

forgiving

rebuilding

 

Courage is following

the pattern

recontextualising

 

Trust reaching out

taking that step

rejoining

 

I sit in a Tesco

Writing this crap whilst drinking a Costa coffee

I need a piss

 

Then I have groceries to buy

A shirt to iron

And the dog needs a walk

 

Places to die

Friendly places to die

Fuck eternity

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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